A Happy Kind Of Sad

I've heard time and time again how sometimes people are only placed in our lives for a certain period of time; to teach us something, to help us grow, and when their purpose in our life has been fulfilled, they leave. I understand this concept and although I truly do agree with it, I still find myself struggling each and every time a meaningful relationship in my life is forced to come to an end. This time around, it happened to be several significant relationships. While I knew upon meeting and creating profound connections with these people that these relationships were in fact temporary, saying goodbye still remained extremely difficult for me.

I began my stay at SLS telling myself that I would have nothing more than a superficial relationship with anyone I came in contact with there. However, as time progressed, I noticed my guard slowly starting to deteriorate. Even though I have let my guard down in the past, I typically sabotaged the relationship and/or myself shortly after doing so. Despite the fear I encountered while being vulnerable with these people, and although I tested limits a fair amount of times, making many attempts at sabotaging the relationships, in the end, I was able to push through my fears and maintain healthy bonds. At times, I even allowed myself to feel hurt, disappointed, and let down by these people, yet, I still managed to work through the uncomfortable feelings and continue forward, trusting the relationship. At the end of my stay there, I found myself leaving on a positive note, preserving the connections formed.

My question is, how do I let go of the people who showed me it was possible to have healthy, trusting relationships? How do I continue creating healthy relationships with others in my life when the people who demonstrated this concept for me, are no longer an active participant in my life? I am aware that in the end, it was me who chose to allow myself to be vulnerable- it was me who used her willingness to form connections. And at the same time, it was these people who partook in this experience with me. I did the work, I put in the effort, and these people were there to witness it. How does one let that go?

Someone very special to me has told me on a million and one different occasions that once you meet someone, once you form a relationship with someone, that doesn't vanish into thin air at the time of a goodbye. As long as at least one participant in the relationship remembers, that relationship will live on. The fact that I met these people, the fact that these people had a positively powerful impact on my life is never going to change. While my relationship with these people may no longer be active, it carries on in the sense that, if I bring the memories, if I bring the lessons I learned with me as I continue on my journey, the relationship is never going to come to a complete end.

Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower said: "Maybe it's sad that these are now memories. And maybe it's not sad." I suppose this is sad in the sense that these people are now in my past- these people are now memories. However, it isn't sad because this is the way it is meant to be. These people adhered to their purpose of being in my life and so, consequently, the time has come in which we all have to move on. It's a happy kind of sad- a kind of sad that has hope lingering in the background. These relationships provide evidence that I am capable of trusting- evidence that people can hurt me and evidence that I can survive that hurt. Perhaps I needed a "safe" place to test the waters, and now that I have done so, now that I know I am adequate enough to be effective in relationships and in my life in general, I don't need them anymore. These people helped me to see the potential I possess, and now that I am aware of all of my positive qualities, I can embrace what the future holds, without getting stuck in the past.

I suppose it just might come down to dialectics ->
Endings can be sad AND they can be positive. Who would have guessed?