Alone Versus Lonely

I didn't always understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. I'm not sure if I ever even knew there was a difference. There is though.

Up until recently, I think it is safe to say that for the most part, I have always felt lonely. I felt lonely when I was by myself, and, I also felt lonely when I was surrounded by people. I never wanted to be by myself because being by myself meant having to face me and only me. At the same time, being with people only seemed to reinforce my feelings of loneliness because I rarely felt understood or that I belonged. Eventually, I began to realize that befriending myself, as well as accepting myself for the person I am, would fulfill the void within me that provoked my feelings of loneliness. And so, that's exactly what I did.

The majority of my current goals involve further development of my sense of self and purpose. I have always been a dependent person, but recently, I find myself striving to be more and more independent. Although I feel that others may perceive my strides toward independence as minuscule, for me, in comparison to no one else, I have been pretty successful at working toward this goal. I have been developing my own life, doing my own thing, and while this life may not be the most exciting life, I enjoy it very much because it is mine. This current chapter of my life makes me feel content and masterful because I contracted it all on my own. I didn't look to others for assistance- I occupy my time, effectively, alone.

I feel as if most people don't understand the significance of me being alone right now. And I suppose that's fine. I guess I just sometimes wish that people could understand that this is what I want. For right now, in this moment, I am content. I am fulfilling my sense of self and purpose without the approval of others. Therefore, I am achieving my goals.

I may be alone, but there is no void. I think that some people need to have a significant other to fill the emptiness, which is fine, but that isn't what I want. I value having a sense of self and purpose highly and want to be able to maintain that before I even consider the idea of a significant other.

In the past, feeling judged for being alone, probably would have sparked feelings of loneliness. While I do feel misunderstood and a bit of an outsider, I don't feel alone. And I think that's because I have myself. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I embrace that. Through acceptance of myself, I have come to enjoy my own company, and consequently, the need for the presence of others and their approval, has subsided.