As I was driving home from work today, and stopped at a red light, I looked out the window and noticed something that while may have always been quite obvious, I never truly grasped until now. Through the window I watched the traffic of cars move in the opposite direction as me- some more quickly than others and some preparing to stop at the next red light. Beyond the traffic were different office buildings, stores, street lights, a few trees, and even some houses. And then, the light turned green and I was on my merry way. I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched as what was once so close in my sight quickly became a mere vision of the distance. I was still driving east, the traffic on the opposite side of the highway was still driving west, the trees, houses, and stores were still standing in their places, yet the only aspect that remained in my present moment was the traffic going west and me driving east... and even that was brief because I exited off at the next exit ramp.
I started to think about how smoothly the cars flowed with one another. And I started to think about how if I caught a glimpse of a beautiful piece of scenery while driving, and wanted to stop, even for just a moment, to absorb more of the beauty, I wouldn't be able to because I would cause a traffic jam or, God forbid, an accident. I suppose roads and highways are organized rather effectively- cars are driving in numerous different directions, yet we have stop signs and traffic lights to promote some sort of order and structure. Those stop signs and traffic lights provide signals for the drivers that let the drivers know if they need to stop, continue forward, or slow down a little bit. To go against any of these signals invites the potential for chaos and disorder. While everyone does not always follow traffic regulations consistently, I think it is safe to say that overall, these regulations foster some sort of order while driving.
In life, however, the signals aren't as apparent. Life doesn't have any signs or lights to tell us to keep moving, to slow down, or to come to a complete stop. Life is constantly moving and time is constantly passing. The present moment is the only moment a person has, and even that, is a fleeting one.
I have an unfortunate habit of living in the past. I get caught up in moments, and even though the world around me is continuing forward, my mind always happens to remain in the past. I get overly attached to people and find myself constantly thinking of them and making continuous attempts to contact them even though the relationship has long since ended. I often get caught up in reading journals from years and years ago and re-analyzing situations that have already been resolved. I even sometimes find myself rehashing emotions about situations that have little to no significance to the current life I live.
When I compare these tendencies of mine to the flow of traffic, I can start to recognize how living in the past interferes not only with the present moment of my life, but also, my progression toward my future. In my life, I struggle greatly to just let go, but while driving, I can so easily go with the flow.
What comes to mind at the moment is driving and then passing someone you know. You can smile or wave, and even if you want to stop to say hello and start a conversation, you know you can't without causing a traffic jam, and so, you continue on your way. I think I need to start viewing my life as the flow of traffic. Throughout my life I am going to have positive experiences and I am going to encounter people that I wish never had to leave. But if I don't continue forward, I could create dysfunction that wouldn't have necessarily occurred if I had just gone with the flow.
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